by Elvira Mata

	Photo illustration by Jose Enrique Soriano

FIRST THERE was EDSA 1, 2, 3 and now, Glorietta 4. I am talking about the classic coups/light coups that have become regular tourist distractions in Manila. The latest one had 300 soldiers or so led by Lt. SG Antonio Trillanes IV and was held at my favorite mall in Makati. As usual, it was televised live on Coup TV.

It was over in less than 24 hours. Nevertheless, the Macapagal government is not taking this lightly. As I write this, it is subjecting all soldiers in the Armed Forces to an armpit test. B.O., or no B.O., there will be no exceptions.

Why the armpit? Government star witness Maj. Perfecto Ragil claims that the July 27 coup plotters, sorry, mutineers, carved "I" marks on the inner portion of their left arms, a symbolic gesture that they were united in their goal to take over the government. All those with scars under their arms will be court-martialed!

Again, why the armpit?

And did everyone get this text message: "Funding for the coup amounted to — not milliones or billiones — but trillanes!"

Obviously, the mutineers couldn't have pulled it off without outside "help." The flags alone cost P47,000, says the International Flag House, makers of the flag in the Magdalo video (which aired rebel soldiers' demands on national TV). Employees came forward to air their feelings. They felt betrayed when they realized that the flags they had sewn was not for a stage play, but for a coup d'etat.

Truth is, it was all a terrible misunderstanding. The Magdalo soldiers wanted the flagmakers to sew "F4," not the letter K of the old Filipino alphabet, which looks like an I. The flag was to be used for a secret military exercise called the F4 look-alike contest. The soldier who ordered the flags was too embarrassed to tell the truth and said it was for a DepEd play. He also couldn't say "F4" without remembering Dao Ming Shi and swooning. So he just pointed to the nearest flags.

	Photo illustration by Jose Enrique Soriano

So how did the flags end up at the Oakwood mutiny in Makati?

Truth is, the rebel soldiers are die-hard fans of F4. When they found out the Taiwanese boy band was not giving a concert in Manila because no one could afford to pay their $54 million talent fee, the soldiers decided to take matters into their own hands. They staged a protest and made the following demands:

1. That $54 million be appropriated from the national budget to finance the F4 concert. It will be held free for the Filipino people.

2. That soldiers be allowed to grow their hair long and have them rebonded.

3. That scarves be part of the military uniform.

4. That the MRP or Meteor Rain Program (not NRP or National Recovery Program as earlier reported) be adopted as the bible of the government.

5. That shop space for a Magdalo boutique be provided at Glorietta 4 — rent free and in a prime location. Here, soldiers can sell designer fatigues and accessories such as F4 arm bands and the sought-after night vision goggles.